Tales from the Advising Road
We came across the story of a married couple of over 40 years and thought it might shed some light on how even life-long mates cannot hear each other.
On a summer visit the husband told his son-in-law that he couldn’t understand why his wife was still buying cheap peanut butter even though he had specifically expressed an interest in the jar that costs all of $2 more.
“We are financially set and she still buys the peanut butter she knows I don’t like from when we were newlyweds because it’s cheaper.”
The son-in-law thought for a moment and then asked the following question: “With all the success you have had recently, how much is in cash in the bank?”
The man scoffed, “Cash. Who keeps things in cash? I am invested in a series of ventures to turn what we have into real wealth.”
The son in law cracked a smile…and then offered this, “well, that is where you and your wife may not be on the same page, I seem to recall that a couple of times over your marriage things have been great and then suddenly gotten very tight. She is maybe still worried that is going to happen again.”
The father-in-law responded that he considered that to be a foolish notion.
The son-in-law then asked the key question: “How much cash in the savings account at the bank do you think would have to be there for your wife to buy you the peanut butter you want?”
“Haah” the father in law exclaimed, that is a riot, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. The son in law chuckled a bit and then with a smile said:
“Yes, but I have the peanut butter I like and you don’t, so it’s up to you.”
They put the conversation aside for the day and then about three months passed and they saw each other again. The son-in-law at a moment where they were alone asked, “So how is the peanut butter?”
This time the father-in-law smiled and remarked triumphantly, “you know I asked her and if you can believe it she said she could probably live on $100,000 for a really long time and that would make her feel safe. So I sold some stock and put $100,000 in the account three days later. The next week I had the peanut butter I like.”
While somewhat hard to believe, this story is emblematic of how easy it is for a gap in communication to exist in a family when it comes to money and risk. Do you have a peanut butter problem? One of the roles an advisory firm performs is to create and maintain a well established thesis for wealth creation and preservation that all members of the family or the foundation can understand. Conversations occur monthly with clients, but either annually or bi-annually it is wise to reset the validity of the thesis and an outside expert is well suited to this role.
The next time you have any peanut butter, think about how all the members of your family are feeling when it comes to their financial future and if it is worth discussing with your advisory team in your next meeting.
The best solution is communication and respect for different perspectives so both sides can learn to appreciate the other’s point of view.
